Hopelessly Humbled

I've had my share of humbling moments, maybe you remember a previous post regarding carrots stuck in my nose, or perhaps I shared with you the time I freaked out in the Shell car wash. Humbling - yes. But this past month I've been humbled not once, not twice but THREE times.

You see, there are days when I get flickers of doubt about my role as a stay-at-home mom.  OK,  truthfully everyday I get that flicker.  Flickers.  Not an overshadowing doubt, but flickers.  I find myself using phrases like, "Well, it's my JOB as you mom to ..." - see, it's a job.  I'm validating myself.

Well, last week we were driving to some lesson of some kind or other for one of the kids when I heard myself say, "Eden, it's my job as your mom to help you make wise decisions."

From the back of the van I hear, "Hey, I thought your job was to run the church."
Ding-ding-ding! YES.  Can I get "How to make your mother love you forever" for $100 Alex?
But before I could gloat or think too much about my new title as "she who runs the church" I hear another child pipe up with, "No, Daddy's job is to run the church."
"Oh right, mommy just helps him run the church."
Conversation now continues without regard to the one now demoted to "she who drives the mini-van".
"So Daddy runs the church, and mommy helps."
"Yep."
"I get it, Daddy is like Batman and Mommy is his side-kick." (no apparent recognition of the fact that Robin is Batman's side-kick)
So there you have it. I've got a title.
Side-kick.
I'll see what I can do to be the best darn side-kick he's ever seen!

Humbling #2 came in the form of a pre-teen who has more fashion sense in her pinky finger than I ever did at that age.  Feeling somewhat bored of my current rotation of yoga pants and hoodies, I ventured into the depths of my closet and pulled out some jeans and a sweater that I hadn't worn in years.  Feeling energized by my new look I came down to breakfast with a little hop in my step.  I turn to the afore mentioned daughter and with an air of confidence I said, "What do you think of my outfit?"

**crickets chirping**

"Hmmm." The silence and the hmmm were not a good sign.

She tilted her head, squinted her eyes and stated, "Well, if I close one eye and squint with the other you look really good!"

I sunk.  I was about feel bad when I realized that the silver lining on this cloud was the fact that I had indeed done a fabulous job of raising a daughter who was honest yet compassionate and diplomatic.  Still, I sunk and promptly went up to put on my yoga pants and hoodie.

The third humbling came today via Mr. Postman - a letter from the US Social Security office informing me of my total earnings since the day I first worked in 1986.  I am well aware of the fact that I have friends who have 6 figure incomes.  As of today I am also well aware of the fact that my TOTAL income since 1986 is not 6 figures.  Despite the fact that I have 2 undergrad degrees and one MA degree I have never earned more than $20, 000 in one calendar year.  Why did I never realize that there is something seriously wrong with this picture?  Oh, and did I mention that for the last 10 years running my income has been a big, fat ZERO.

Now ... before you start reading bitterness into my tone of voice, stop.  I am humbled, yes.  Bitter, no.  Thankful, yes.  Embarrassed, no way.  I am humbled that I have been so blessed and that despite my lack of income I have more than I could ever ask or imagine.  I am humbled by the enormity of the task I've been given to raise, teach and nurture three amazing kids.  I am humbled and honored to be the side-kick to the most amazing man I've ever met.

And, since the writers of the Proverbs always seem to say three things and then add a fourth, I feel compelled to add one more humbling moment. My face.  I might be drooling right now and I wouldn't notice it.  Monday I went in for an emergency root canal.  Dentist did the obligatory freezing of the mouth in order to proceed with the dental work.  Root canal was over - easy-breezy (not really).  Problem is, three days later I'm still numb.  No explanation, they say he probably hit a nerve with the novacaine.  I googled it, nerve damage can take up to three months to heal.  That's a lot of drooling.  I'm frustrated and need to realize that for the next few weeks or months a numb face might be the new reality.

So, if you see a drooling, somewhat frazzled red-headed mom wearing a cape and being followed by pre-teens who are squinting one eye and closing the other, please wave and let her know that she's doing a good job.  I do have a job after-all ... and it's a pretty amazing one!