Kicked Out Of Church

Did you hear the one about the pastor's wife who kicked a man out of church?

No?

Well, let me tell you ...

It was a dark and stormy night.
No, wait. It was not a dark and stormy night.
It was a bright and sunny Mother's Day morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, coffee was brewing, children were loving on their moms, everyone was in good spirits. It was the start to a great day.

Being a church that meets in a movie theatre we have gotten used to having strangers pop in on most Sundays just see what the commotion at theatre is. It's exciting. It thrills me to tell people that on Sunday morning the theatre is not a place of entertainment but rather a place of worship. I eagerly (sometimes maybe too eagerly!) give them a tour, introduce them to some folks, and invite them to join us for worship.

So picture the scene. 10am. Coffee has been served; the last of the stragglers is making his way into theatre 12 for the worship service; a few of us are tidying up for entering worship ourselves. I do a quick survey and notice a middle aged man standing in the hallway drinking a coffee. I introduce myself and ask if he's been to Connections (that's the name of our church) before. He looks up at me and raises his eyebrows ...

red flag

red flag

With raised eyebrows he gives me a look and says, "Connections? So, what are we connecting to?" (now read that last line with a sultry-yet-very-creepy-late-night-bar pick-up line kind of a voice).

red flags flying all over the place

I ignore his pick-up attempt and begin to talk to him about God and church and relationship (ie connection) with God. He stops me mid-thought and says, "I don't believe any of this stuff, I've read books and I don't believe anything."
Wanting to further the conversation I say, "So what do you read?"
Without skipping a beat he says, "Oh, lots of books on gynecology."
Wait.
Hold the train.
Did I hear that right?
Instant replay in my brain.
Yep, he said gynecology.
Not going there. Move on.

"So what do you do for a living?"
"Oh, I'm an engineer, an electrician, a construction worker and a musician."

getting weirder by the minute

The band is now well into their set of worship songs. One other person is still tidying while keeping a cautious eye on me and my new "friend".

ME: "You know, the worship service has started would you like to come in?"
HIM: "No way. I don't want anything to do with people."
ME: "OK well I'm going to give you a choice, either you come into worship or you leave the building until the theatre opens at 12:30pm."
HIM: "Oh, all right, I'll leave." (As weird as he was, I was a little disappointed. At this point I was still kind of hoping he would come in to the service).
He once again gives me the raised eyebrows and a little smile and says, "I'll leave, but will you give me a little kiss before I go."
I'm sure I gasped out loud. I laughed nervously and said, "Absolutely NOT. Now leave."
To which he had the guts to say, "Well at least a hug?"
There are more red flags flying than I've ever seen.
Still trying to be polite I said, "You've got to be kidding. Let me walk to you OUT the door."

The minute he left that door it struck me.
1) I just kicked someone OUT of church.
2) I was just "hit on" for the first time in 15 years.

#1 makes me feel a little sad, I need to pray for this man
#2 even though he's obviously crazy (maybe from reading all those books on gynecology!) it's still flattering to get hit on ... but not again for another 15 years, thank you very much.

Church planting brings with it some wild experiences.
This my friends, goes on the record books as one of the craziest (so far)!

NOTE: I immediately informed the theatre manager of the experience, gave him a description of the man and asked him to keep an eye on him. This also emphasizes the reason our church has a "hall monitor" who walks the halls of the theatre during the service to ensure the safety of our children in the family ministry program.